a message to my friends

Dear friends – Adelaide friends in particular,

leaving New College for the last time 
This is a strange old season I am currently experiencing. For a couple of months in Edinburgh it felt as though I was drifting, without direction or purpose. For the past couple of weeks in Adelaide it feels as though I have been hiding, overwhelmed by the gratitude of many friends for having me back in Adelaide.

I am super grateful for the many friends who want to spend time with me – what a gift it is to be so loved – but I find I have not the capacity for more than a very limited number of close confidants in this short season in Adelaide.

I’ve not even made it to church yet, so daunting is the prospect of all the well wishing people wanting to connect with me. That feels ridiculously ungrateful of me, for the love and support of this community of faith carried me through the three years in Edinburgh.

But I am trying to be kind to myself, not only in taking the time and space I need, but in not feeling guilty for doing so. I’ve battled some quite serious fatigue this past 18 months, and need to be very careful with my energy so that I am healthy for taking up a placement in the new year.

The jet lag has been awful this time around, compounded by the emotional upheaval of finishing a PhD (don't underestimate how complex the emotions at the ending of any season), and of leaving a city that became another home and friends I deeply love and appreciate.

Returning to my long time home feels a bit overwhelming, for it is possible I will only be in Adelaide a short time, if opportunity calls from beyond. I can only hope I don’t retreat too far back to cause me harm, or hurt my friends. I am so grateful to have so many friends, and sorry not to have the capacity to be more present with them in this season. 

I do try to make myself available to my friends, my various communities, with openness in sharing my story publicly in various ways. As one who affirms the particular importance of embodiment, it pains me to be unable to be more present physically, embodied, with those friends and communities. So I concentrate on the gift it is to connect with people in different places in whatever way I can, and the gift it is to be loved and have my story appreciated. 

I love you, friends and communities, and value your stories, too. Thank you for your patience as I restore my energy, give due attention to the ending of one season, and discern and prepare for the next. I will be physically present with you again somewhere soon, I am sure. Until then, may we remain connected through story and Spirit. 

Comments

Heather said…
Always connected through love and grace. Thank you, well done for the self-care, and take your time.
malcs said…
Thanks for sharing Sarah. You're in good company needing some time away with only a few close friends. There was that Jewish guy a while back.... ;) You have done something extraordinary, and now you're weary. And you don't know what's next. I'm tired just imagining what that must be like. Kia kaha (Maori for 'be strong).
Maureen Howland said…
Take your time Sarah...and may your new beginnings be wonderful!
Anonymous said…
It is ok, Sarah. We can cope. We just want you to know that you are loved and cared for. Take your time. We're not going away. xxx
Glenys said…
My dear, dear Sarah. I can just begin to imagine how overwhelming it must be. And here I was feeling bad because I had a few days in Adelaide and didn't contact you. In fact we didn't contact any of our family and friends. Just needed a break from peopling. So please, please take all the time it needs. I feel just as close to you now as ever - doesn't matter where you are, your words connect us.
Love and more love
Glenys
sarah said…
thank you, friends x

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