ncyc11 day three

Well, I have just awoken from a two hour nap, and am feeling quite refreshed.
It's not as if today has been all that exhausting, but I suppose I am enjoying a bit of space to chill out while the participants are engaging in their workshops, electives, and community building activities.

For our second bible study this morning, we were a slightly smaller group, with 15 - 20 young people choosing to join other groups. That's OK, you don't really know what a study group is going to be like until you get there, and there's always a bit of readjusting of bible study groups after the first session. It's a shame, though, because the material we were dealing with yesterday was a little more abstract or complex, and today we got a bit more practical and experiential.

We focused on prayer today, the passage from Matthew being where Jesus teaches us how to pray. We began with some conversation around what our experiences of prayer had been like - good, bad, helpful, unhelpful. For some the time we allowed was more than enough, for others, they would have liked a little longer to talk through some of their experiences of prayer. From what I heard, there was a real breadth to the experiences of prayer across the group, from having been present while others prayed but not ever having prayed themselves, to uncomfortable experiences in different traditions, and good, uplifting experiences of prayer within community.
We heard then the portion from Matthew, then some thoughts around what Jesus might be saying, and then we invited the group into a time of silent prayer. We asked them to be still, on their own, in silent prayer, for 15 minutes. And most of the group really engaged with this. We had said that it might be uncomfortable, but for a quite a few, this was clearly not the case. It was a bit long for some, who were not used to praying this way, but it seems to have been a helpful exercise for most of the group. Well done to Nathan for suggesting and leading this.

We offered some brief introductions to other forms of prayer - labyrinths, lighting candles, meditation, journal writing, body prayer, walking as prayer - though in the end didn't get to spend the time on this I had imagined. We were hoping to be able to break into groups and talk more about some of the different forms, have an opportunity to give the body prayer a go, that sort of thing, but the sharing of the space with the catering team is a little pressurised given that lunch follows straight on from the bible studies and we're in one of the dining spaces. So we were asked to be finished by 12.15, and the extra 15 minutes would have been great, as too would be to not have the distractions towards the end of the session and just before lunch of the catering team setting up to be ready ... however, we make the best of what we have, and all in all I think this session was a good one, and am really grateful for the way the group engaged with it.

We had gatherings after lunch for each of the states, to meet each other, hear from the moderator, etc. That was a good opportunity to chat with some other South Aussies, and get our SA on, as Will said!

And now I'm off to a light tea before the new year's eve celebrations kick off - worship then dance party, praise party and thanksgiving for 2010, fireworks and a Tongan feast after midnight!
I hope you all have some good memories for which to be thankful from 2010, are able to find peace with the losses and difficult times from this year, and have much to look forward to in the way of challenges and opportunities for love and laughter.

Happy New Year !

ncyc11 day two part three

I did enjoy my hour or so under the electric fan this afternoon. Cooled right off. Also had a bit of a lie down in my room.
Then I went out again in search of pepsi max and chocolate - found them and had a chat with the guys selling them.
After that I sought some shade and found more interesting people to talk to - Craig Mitchell from Uniting College doing a great job providing information on the opportunities available through our fine theological college in Adelaide. And Yvonne from a congregation in Brisbane that has recently established a community garden, which sounds like a great thing to do, providing many opportunities for connecting and building relationships with the local community.
ran into all sorts of people and had more conversations - Nic and Rob from NSW, Michelle from Qld, then met a young man from Melbourne who chatted with me to pass the time in the line for food. Met more interesting young people who happen to live around the corner from my Aunt and cousins, who I am visiting next week, and chatted with them over dinner. They seem to be having a great time here at NCYC.
Nathan and I have had further conversation about the session today - we were a little concerned that it might have been a bit too deep or abstract for the group, but I think people genuinely engaged with the text and the ideas and the whole notion of engaging deeply with Biblical texts. I've heard some feedback, indirectly through others, and directly from participants themselves, about the biblical storytelling, how people felt I was talking directly to them, how my internalising it and speaking from that helped them to hear and to understand better .... that's why we do this thing called biblical storytelling. So exciting to hear it.
We're exploring the theme of 'talking back' tomorrow - we've tuned in and plugged in to hear the message from God, what does it mean to talk to God, to be present and attentive in relationship with God through prayer? The text for tomorrow is when Jesus teaches about prayer - what has become our 'Lord's Prayer'. The challenge for me will be to convey that this wasn't the be all and end all formula for prayer, but a way, a shape, for prayer and the elements of prayer with integrity. Hope I achieve this with gesture and emotion and articulation.

This evening worship was led by members of Congress (Uniting Aboriginal and Islander Christian Congress, the Indigenous members of the Uniting Church) from different parts of Australia, including South Australia. One favourite moment was when they got us 'twisting' for Jesus. Nice. Herbert's testimony was very moving - it takes a lot of courage to share your story with a room of 1000 or so people you don't know. Herbert sang a lovely version of 'I wanna know what love is' too.

the jazz band
loved that they had Casablanca
on the wall behind them! 

I was on my way to bed when Heidi mentioned Jazz. Of course I couldn't go to bed knowing jazz would be played somewhere as part of nightlife (I remember 2005, when our jazz lounge was amazingly popular, sparking Black Wood Jazz ... ). Sat through a bit of pop before finally getting to hear some jazz - which I enjoyed very much. Lovely cello playing, very talented guitarist a highlight of a great group of musos.

Now I've had a cool shower and am hoping to get another good night's sleep.
Hope you do too, wherever you lay your head tonight.

ncyc11 day two part two

talking with Jeff Lawrence at the Hub
Photo: Heidi McNamara

I've just spent an hour or so chatting with a fellow biblical storyteller, Jeff Lawrence.
Jeff's just started as a minister in a Church of Christ congregation in Brisbane, and as he missed the Network of Biblical Storytellers' gathering in Adelaide this year, we thought we'd take the opportunity to catch up. He's been interested to hear the story of The Esther Project.
So we chatted about story and storytelling, and the power they hold for transformation.
Jeff shared with me a quote - I'll have to update with source etc. anon - that talked about the way that humans don't generally want to talk about the hard stuff, the dark stuff, in our lives. But artists, singers, poets, storytellers - they go to those places, and they bring the rest of us along.
This is why I dreamed The Esther Project - so that the artists - singers, storytellers, poets - would have a community of faith in which to explore and express the Christian story through their art, because communities of health need artists, and the Protestant church has disenfranchised too many artists for its good health. And all people of health and wholeness need community.

Jeff also shared with me something Rev Philip Carter said once - about how in Matthew's Gospel, before the sermon on the mount, the evangelist talks about Jesus going about the countryside preaching the good news of God. But the good news is that Jesus lived and died and rose from death, isn't it? Or is the good news that people matter?
This articulates something that became apparent to me as a feeling while I was learning and telling the Beatitudes - Jesus' care for human beings, and consequently, God's deep care for us. We matter. The kingdom of heaven belongs to us because we matter to God. This is what someone said in the bible study - what does it mean to be blessed? to belong (to matter).

The fullness of our humanity acknowledged, affirmed, nurtured. This is the kingdom of heaven. This is the body of Christ. This is the Esther Project. This is Christian community.

And as a side note - if you matter, you also have responsibilities ... which is the same with the body of Christ image from Paul, or the gifts we receive from the Spirit. To be called by God, named by God is affirming and encouraging and life-giving, but it is not the end of the story. We are called in order to participate in the calling of all the earth into the realm of God.

ncyc11 day two part one

Thank you to the many people around Australia who sent good wishes for peaceful sleep - I finally did sleep well. Perhaps being here has allayed the fears that come with the unknown. I think I have probably left the worry about the next steps for The Esther Project in Adelaide - I can't really do anything about it while I am here. And it was certainly a help and a comfort not to mention an encouragement to feel the love and support of many friends.
So while the heat is draining energy faster than boost juice can replace it, though it did replenish it for a while earlier in the afternoon, I do feel somewhat refreshed. Or did when I woke up.
Breakfast was my traditional away from home treat of nutrigrain, plus a couple of fried eggs and toast.
Then while the delegates went to their community time and small groups, I got myself ready for the first bible study. The photocopying had all been done marvellously, thanks to the admin support team. A last minute dash by one of the organising team got the art supplies and m&ms here in time - just!

And after a bit of waiting around, suddenly it was out turn to 'do' something.

I suspect Nathan and I talked a little too long in the session, which was going to be the danger when we wanted to introduce ourselves, and introduce the two books we'll be studying. But we won't have so much direct input for the rest of the sessions.
I told portions of the stories from Isaiah 55 and Matthew 6. The storytelling seemed to be well received. I forgot first up to ask them to put their bibles away, so was glad when one of our chaplains came up to me and reminded me before the second portion.
We focussed the latter half of the session on the portion from Matthew - commonly known as The Beatitudes. It was remarkable to hear the young people wondering about what a blessing is, what does it mean to be blessed - looking at the different translations of the Bible, what difference does it make that some have 'happy' rather than 'blessed' ...
We invited people to think about writing their own beatitudes - imagine the poor and rejected in your communities and think what it would be like for those folk to receive a 'blessing'? I was talking with two young ladies from Queensland, and we imagined what a beatitude might sound like for the folk in flooded towns ... blessed are the flood victims, for they will be welcomed home. They'd come up with one from their own context of a university college - blessed are the sober, for they will have clear memories! I will tell this to my sister who doesn't drink, she might like it.

I think it went well. You never really know, but I think it went well. I am looking forward to tomorrow.

ncyc day 1

claiming our space at The Southport School, Gold Coast
in the background is the clock tower building, one of the earliest buildings on site

Well, it sure is sticky in Queensland. People from further north in Australia had jumpers on today, I had fan in hand ...
I found myself on a plane with quite a few other ncyc11 participants this morning, leaving Adelaide just as summer was remembering itself after quite a cool Christmas.
Rather than struggling with luggage on a couple of public transport buses to Southport, I was welcomed by some of these fellow ncyc11 participants to join their maxi cab on a much simpler journey from the airport.

a banner celebrating the centenary
hanging in the foyer of the Centenary Building

On the way, we were informed by our driver that The Southport School is a rather posh boys' school, and we were suitably impressed on driving in the driveway. Some have said it looks like something out of an American high school movie, or reminds them a bit of Hogwarts. It is over 100 years old - the building we're holding the main worship gatherings in is the Centenary Hall in celebration of this milestone (1901-2001). The dining hall does look a bit like a small room from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and the grounds are extensive. I'm staying in one of the single rooms - there's a bunch of guys who can say they've had girls in their beds this summer - in one of the houses. They're really well set out, not that I have anything to compare with, not having been a dormer at school. The rooms are small, there are no locks or even the inner workings of the door handles on the single rooms (referred to rather generously as flats), so there's not much privacy. But there is a fair amount of space, and it seems well decked out.
Nathan and I managed to miss the bible study leaders' briefing - thought it was at 5pm, but it was at 4pm. We're happy with the space we'll be in, should be able to do what we have planned. Just hoping all the supplies we requested are ready to go for tomorrow. Haven't had a worried text or phone call from Nathan, so am assuming all is well ...
I might have to go to the shops tomorrow for some supplies - dinner wasn't a huge helping, well it probably was adequate but I cannot abide the texture of peas and corn, the veggies served with nice roast meat and potatoes.
I've managed to catch up with a few friends from around Australia, who I have met at Assembly and on the UK trip. And made a new acquaintance, meeting Alistair McRae, President of the UCA, and with whom I am presiding at communion on Monday night. Hoping to catch up with some Queensland based Biblical Storytellers while I'm here, too.
I'm so tired I think I'll turn in - which, combined with my dad-like recoil at the noise of the music in the evening session is making me feel much older than I would like to feel. It's an experience, when you become a leader at a youth convention at which you were once a delegate ...
So I'm rehearsing the stories for tomorrow - 'all you who are thirsty, come to the waters' from Isaiah 55 and Matthew's list of Beatitudes - then off to sleep. Well an attempt at sleep. I'm sure the nerves will settle down after our first session.

of Advent contemplation with The Esther Project

The Esther Project has held a contemplative worship space each week of Advent. I have done something visual each week, which is not like me at all, I usually respond with words. Of course, I've done that in a couple of the spaces, too, but it's been more about an image or a feeling represented with colour as we have reflected on hope, peace, joy and love.
Here are the images that emerged for me. Some with words, others not so much. The poems need some work still, so they'll appear later.

Week One - Hope

arms open to hope

inspired by lines from a poem by Cheryl Lawrie: 'arms that are open  / ready to take hold of hope' ('Take hold of hope' in Hold This Space, published by www.proost.co.uk) 

Week Two - Peace

Peace begins as a whispered possibility
tantalising
frightening
disturbing
then, in a flash of delight – 
bursts open 
and captures every heart 


I had in mind the pivotal scene from the film Joyeux Noel, which had been shared in another setting the day before, when one person sings from the German bunker, and is joined by a Scottish piper from another, then boldly steps above the line of safety, to risk a moment of peace amidst war. Spine tingling stuff.


Week Three - Joy

I had mandalas available for people to pray and colour each week, as a way of helping us to become still and enter the waiting of Advent. Quite a few people took the opportunity to colour them, though I haven't heard their responses as to what the experience was like. This one for me was coloured while listening to the soundtrack of Christmas music I had put together for us, and I was smiling as I entered into joy.


Week Four - Love

Love licks at my fur was a line from one of the Chris Goan poems I had printed for one of the stations - his Listing (also available from www.proost.co.uk) has provided much in the way of inspiration for our reflections on hope, peace, joy and love, as he takes lists like 'a time for every season' in Ecclesiastes, and the Beatitudes in Matthew's Gospel, and Paul's fruits of the Spirit, and writes poems. This picture is an attempt to capture the image that formed in my mind on reading those words ... 

White Wine In The Sun by Tim Minchin

A friend posted a link to this on facebook.

I love how clever Tim Minchin is; he is another of our social commentator / poet / prophet / artist gems. probably wouldn't describe himself as such, but that's what I appreciate about his words and music.

enjoy

I agree with him about what he doesn't like about some churches / religious groups, and it's nice to hear someone outside the Christian tradition agree that the commercialisation of this ancient religious festival is distasteful.

Love the picture he paints of family at Christmas - that's what the ancient story is about for me, love being born in our hearts and our lives.

Thanks Tim for the song, and thanks Cheryl for sharing the link.

whenever the going gets tough with the 'fresh expression' of, or alternative, church I lead - The Esther Project - and at the moment things are a bit hard going - I draw so much encouragement from the creativity of pictures and poetry and other creative activity and the profound reflections and discoveries that emerge from our gatherings as a community.
it's hard going because we are trying to find a way to incorporate The Esther Project more closely into the life of our host communities - Christ Church and The Effective Living Centre. This is all new, and is providing much in the way of challenges. Christ Church and the ELC have a unique structure and way of operating to begin with, so how might another faith community with storytelling activities and events fit into that structure? Then there's all the complications associated with funding - The Esther Project has access to some funds for 2011, which is a great start, but already means it will have a different reporting and operating relationship with ELC, and we'd like to be able to access enough funding to pay our leader a stipend for a couple of days a week. This is a huge challenge, and a pressing one for me, as I move into new payment arrangements from January, would like to move house, etc., etc.

And just when all this begins to weigh me down, we gather for our fourth Advent contemplative space, reflecting on longing for love and yearning for home, and the story and the poetry inspires wonderful pictures, connects with our own stories to bring new meaning for our lives, and moves us deeply. And I believe again, with renewed ferver, in the need to continue with this new faith community; I hear anew the call of the Spirit on this community and on me as its storytelling leader, to push forward through the difficulties because the vision is worth the effort.

of gravy, songs, Advent and writing

this morning at Christ Church Uniting, Sean's reflection centred on Paul Kelly's 'How To Make Gravy'. this song helped The Esther Project community to imagine those in prison as the shepherds of our day - the unseen, forgotten ones.

what Sean was saying also made me think some more about the Christmas day worship outline I am working on for Seasons of the Spirit - I have a line in the script from the shepherd about being homeless, and I began thinking about how perhaps being in the presence of the Christ child might be like coming home for them ... for us.

which got me thinking about tomorrow night's Esther Project contemplative space for Advent week 4, Love, and a song that has resonated through many stories I've encountered this year - Padraig O'Tuama's 'Yearn' (available on albums 'Dubh' and 'Hymns to Swear By' from Proost).

all these creative projects, which yesterday I was finding more a burden than a gift, today begin to tumble around each other, or weave through each other, lighting up new discoveries and possibilities ... and this writing thing is a gift again.

here's the Paul Kelly song - one of my favourites, for its portrayal of Christmas in Australia, and because it's a song my Dad also likes, and we don't always agree on music, though we are both quite serious music lovers.

of the joys and struggles of writing

it is an interesting job, that of a writer. yes, in know i've written recently that i have just been ordained as a minister in the uniting church. i am also a writer.
i posted on facebook this morning that sometimes i don't like being a writer - it's such hard work. these are the comments i received from two friends.
Michelle wrote:
“Writing is easy: All you do is sit staring at a blank sheet of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead.” Gene Fowler
and
Thomas Mann: A writer is a person for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people.
Jewlz wrote:
I agree. How true. As a writer of content that goes into the public sphere there is no way of knowing the impact you are having. However, be certain there are many who read your blog and be inspired/ encouraged that you will never hear from.

and these comments, the affirmation of the difficulties of being a writer from a fellow writer quoting other writers, and the affirmation of my work as a writer, were enough to unlock me from the chains that wrap around a writer when there are too many words yet unwritten. i've just written a draft of an entire christmas day script for seasons of the spirit : fusion 2011 materials.
that's how i work, you see, struggle and frustration while i seemingly waste time on facebook games or nothing at all, and then in a sudden burst of inspiration, the words tumble out of my subconscious onto the page, sometimes missing the conscious almost altogether, until i go back and edit. i am getting better at making the most of this way of writing, trusting the process because i have experienced it working so many times now. thankfully.
also, the collaboration - whether in the actual writing itself, or in the general call to be a writer - is important in the creative process for me.
so thank you Michelle and Jewlz, for hearing my call and responding.

of a moment of confidence and certainty

We had our last session of Clinical Pastoral Education today, at which we presented our final evaluation papers. Along with other reflections, such as on progress towards goals for the course, we reflect on relationships in pastoral settings, in the group with peers and supervisors, and with ourselves.
Les, one of our supervisors, suggested I should cut the words out that reflect where I am personally at the moment, and stick them in my Bible or somewhere, because they describe a rather wonderful moment for me in my life and ministry. Consider the words cut out and stuck 'somewhere':

I have the confidence to cross the room and talk to people, because I know my role as a minister and I like my role as a minister and I trust myself to cause no harm when I cross the room. It is not safer for me to stay on my side of the room. The boundaries are clear, but less imposing, protecting my innermost self. There will be times when the introverted side of me will need to retreat, or remain, on the other side of the room, or out of it completely.

But I enter the stillness whenever I can, for five or ten minutes or an hour, each day, in order to nurture the introverted part of me, the intuitive feeling part of me. Because I know that the stillness allows me to operate most effectively out of my naturally perceiving, intuitive, feeling personality traits, and I am most healthy when this is how I am engaging in the world. I don’t apologise for operating differently to others, I embrace who I am and celebrate the way I engage with the world and with people, and enjoy it all so much more.

I am confident, I trust myself, and I care for myself – these are goals I may or may not have set at the beginning of CPE, but I have achieved them and have much hope that I have a good foundation of healthy sustainable practices for ministry.

sometimes you can't make it on your own

My friend Michelle has been quoting U2 quite a bit of late, and fair enough too, when you've just enjoyed the U2 concert experience as she has. The songs are undoubtedly playing over and over in her head.
As I look back over today, the refrain from a U2 song is going through my head.
I've been writing my final evaluation for the Clinical Pastoral Evaluation (CPE) course I've been engaged in since August. I didn't want to do this - I mean really didn't want to do it. I had focussed on pastoral care in my field education experience, and through that placement done a lot of inner reflection. I had had enough. I didn't want to look inwards any more, was feeling so over reflecting on my practice as a minister. i just wanted to go and do it. To a certain extent I was also afraid of the consequences of any more introspection, too much of which can actually be quite dangerous for me.
Despite all that, all my fears and frustrations, CPE has been very rewarding. It has been a time of cementing the learning from the field education placement, and growing in confidence in my role as a person who offers pastoral care.
With the help of the three other participants in the course, and the two supervisors, I have over these four months or so 'crossed the room' from a position of waiting for others to approach me if they really thought they must, to actively seeking people out with genuine curiosity for their stories, and a desire to hear them. We know who we are through the telling of our stories - and being in a place at the moment of knowing very clearly who I am and having great and deep confidence in that, I know that there is healing and we move towards wholeness when we know who we are and have that identity seen, known, and affirmed.
And for our stories to be heard, we need someone to whom we may tell our story. We can't make it on our own.

This afternoon the chair of the Effective Living Centre and I met with Steve Taylor to talk through our options for funding The Esther Project.
I am a dreamer, I can see a big picture, a possibility, a vision, and to a certain extent I can share that vision with others. I need others to do the small picture stuff, the details, the strategy for how to realise the dream. My planners have moved on from The Esther Project, as I knew they would, but I have been unable to find others to join me in working towards fully realising the dream of The Esther Project.
As we talked this afternoon, some of the hurdles that have been in our way became clearer as we showed each other the view from where we stand.
As Steve outlined funding options he and others have utilised in implementing a fresh expression of church, not only did financing our dream begin to seem more achievable, but an actual plan for the core business of The Esther Project became much clearer.
And so now I have been able to take the big picture dreaming of Esther Project, Effective Living Centre and Christ Church members over the past few weeks, and the small picture details that emerged this afternoon and put together a much clearer proposal. All I had been able to come up with on my own was the dream, the possibilities, the vague area off the map I thought we might explore. Together we have been able to place some signposts for the next steps, and we are feeling less bewildered, and (I at least am feeling) more confident about our ability to explore the unmapped territory that is a new, emerging, alternative Christian community.
I can see now that it is important to name clearly that the vision is for mission with artists disenfranchised by church but exploring spirituality through their art.
I can see the smaller details, which before were not visible for me.
I am much better equipped to share the vision and invite others to venture out with me into unknown territory for the sake of God's Way of Love in the world - a story of hope that leads us more fully into life.
Because I have others with me to share our varying perspectives, expertise and gifts - to simply not be alone.

Sometimes - most of the time, really - you can't make it on your own.

the calm and the storm

I wonder at creation

lightning’s strobe above the ocean

thunder’s distant rumble

the river’s joyful tripping

over stones

crickets calling

raindrops falling

                                    intermittently

I move my chair back

                                    under cover

as the patter tiptoes faster overhead

and the rumble thunders louder

and the flashing strobe

of lightning

slides across the sea and edges

ever closer towards me

I wonder at creation

I marvel

I am in awe

as the storm

enfolds me 

(c) Sarah Agnew 8 Dec 2010 

Photos by Tim Lee from the ordination service Sunday 5 December.

The stole was made by my mum. It depicts the Biblical story - from the joy of creation, to the promise to Abraham for as many descendants as there are stars in the sky and the promise to Noah and all creation from God not to flood the earth again; Miriam represents the story of Moses, Miriam and Aaron leading the people out of slavery, and the stories of the prophets speaking the word of God faithfully throughout the generations; music represents the songs the people sing; at the neck is a celtic cross stitched by my sister Deb, Celtic spirituality with its embracing of the circle of life for all creation holds a special place in my heart; down the left side of the stole the story of the birth of Jesus, baptism of Jesus, death and resurrection of Jesus (the cross is painted by Matt Stuart, who was also ordained on Sunday, modelled on the cross I wore, which was one of 8 made by Linda Vinall and given to me on my 21st birthday); then Pentecost, the Eucharist and the stories told and recorded as the church came into being. My youngest sister Bec sewed it all up and there are materials from dresses we wore at significant birthdays over the past decade and from something my Nanna made, as well as cottons from my Gran's crocheting and Bec's long stitch. My friend Alison printed the Bible pages onto material for us, as this was a technique she had used in one of her artworks which I liked. The song is Amazing Grace and the Bible text is from 1 Corinthians, Paul describing the body of Christ which values each member equally.

being part of a record

So ordaining 19 people in one year is something of a record. And I am one of them. Pretty cool.
Another one of the 19 and I were asked by the UCA SA communications team to represent the group for photos and interviews for media this week. Why they ask me is a mystery - I look terrible photographed. However, the photos and interviews appear on p. 4 of the Australian and p. 9 of the Advertiser today. The 'Tiser has a different pic online.

of anticipation, emotion, ordination

It's midnight. So it is the day I have been working towards - if indeed I have been working towards a day as opposed to a vocation or the rest of my life - for the past 6 years. Later today I will, along with four others, be ordained by the Uniting Church as a Minister of the Word. We have been anticipating this moment, apart from the 6 years of preparation and formation, for several months, once it became clear that we had all been approved by the college in our readiness for ordination, had received calls to congregational placements, and realised that it was this group of five being ordained. We have been through the process together, this group of candidates, which adds a depth of significance to the service of ordination for which we are all grateful. We are also a group all in our 30s, which is a bit unique. And we are a group that shares some similarities and also includes some differences in our approach to theology and to engaging in mission and ministry. The preparation for the service has been enriched by our friendships, our shared experience of formation, and our respect and care for each other. I am blown away to be sharing this moment with these people who have shown me a lot of care and support and love in some of the more gruelling and difficult times in the formation process, with whom I have shared some sorrows and also loads and loads of laughs.
But I am actually not quite sure what I am feeling just at the moment. Tired mostly and wishing I could go to sleep, truth be told.
There are a whole lot of emotions swirling around. All those emotions of gratitude and love for my friends I have mentioned already. Then the overwhelming love I have been shown by people sending cards and emails with messages of congratulations and support from a distance, not to mention the number of friends from church communities at Blackwood, Christ Church and Belair who will be there, from the college community, and family and friends who are travelling from the south-east of SA and from Victoria to be here to celebrate. For those family members and friends, the Uniting Church is their tribe too, and there seems to be something quite special about having a family member, a friend, become an ordained leader of your church.
There are other friends, for each of us, and family for some, for whom the church is not their tribe / home / community, but for whom it is still important to be present at this occasion. And that again is so overwhelming - that people would love you enough to sit through what will be a lengthy church service, unfamiliar at best if not downright boring, because they care about you. What a gift. What a remarkable gift.
And there is the ordination itself - the emotions associated with that at the moment seem in check. There has been some sense of awe at being called into such a role for the church, and really, the wider community. I've said it before, it is an odd job. The church and the whole community look to 'religious' or 'spiritual' leaders for a whole range of things, and with a whole range of emotions around their relationship or not with the religious or spiritual community and tradition. In a way we are public figures. or semi-public figures, and I have already begun to change my behaviour as I approach this role. I walked in the Blackwood Christmas pageant last night with the ministers of the area, and as I drove home in the bumper-to-bumper traffic, and let someone in, I was aware that as I drive through the area from now on, I need to be aware of the eyes of people on me - no more getting aggro with other drivers for me, if I am to be a sign among them of the story, person, Way of Jesus Christ. mmm.
Because for me, that is what the ordained minister is - a sign, a symbol, a reminder to the people of their story, the story of God's way of Love in the world, a story we are called to live. I can't preach this story on a Sunday and then drive in an un-loving way on Monday (or on the way home on Sunday ... ).
So there's the weight of the responsibility of the role. There is also the freedom, the liberation, the delight I am feeling at having found my identity in God and relaxed into it; in the role of an ordained minister; in the person of the storyteller, which brings together my otherwise eclectic gifts and abilities.
And there is just a touch of embarassment at the hoo-ha surrounding the ordination service, at the many people sending good wishes in person or by letter. Both my sisters are also coming to the end of their current periods of study and formation for their vocations, one a PhD with internship and mentoring programs for the academic field, the other a teaching degree with pracs and mentoring relationships with supervising teachers. I suspect the communities in which they will live out their vocations won't make such a fuss of them in the way the church makes a fuss of its ordained leaders. I suspect the church won't make such a fuss of them either. It is an odd job, this being an ordained minister in a church. It is such a particular, important role for a community of faith living a particular Way, the minister who is committed to the church, set a side by the church, to remind the people of their story, to equip them to live it out, and to encourage them as they share the story with the world. I don't want my sisters to get the impression that their vocations are any less important, valid, worthy - I don't want their achievements, their commitment to their calling, their persons to feel diminished by the celebrations around my ordination.
No wonder I can't get to sleep, with all that churning beneath the surface of my heart and mind ... I hope the others are having more luck.

finding emerging / alternative / fresh church in australia

Cheryl Lawrie has launched a wiki site onto which emerging / alternative / fresh church communities can upload their details so people in Australia looking for a different way of experiencing or doing or being church can search the directory and be linked to these communities ... what a good idea. Thanks Cheryl. Check it out here.